Signal Failure
I’m bewildered, as men often can be,
knowing even when things get intense
that all women give out such mixed signals
we men can’t tell Come Hither from Hence!
But a man’s body language is simple
and our small print is easy to read.
We’re not subtle. It’s plain as a pikestaff
when it’s more than a smile that we need.
But with women it’s all down to guesswork.
Though they may imply Yes, all men know
that it’s hard to tell two seconds later
whether what seemed a Yes is now No.
So I’m standing here anxious and puzzled
as the signs of my ardour increase.
If I summon the courage to kiss you
will you let me or call the Police?
Tilting the Balance
You stood, eyes shut, upon the scales
you’d begged me hide.
You said, “I must be thirteen stone
with this backside.”
And I, who’d loved you
since your slim-line youth,
opted for discretion, not the truth;
and made a liar of your scales and me.
“Not you,” I said. “You’re almost down
to twelve stone three.”
A Bridegroom's Prayer
Lord, in your charity, let me forget
the many unsuitable women I’ve met.
Clear my mind of them, and yet
please make sure they don’t forget.
And grant me a chance to recoup the cost
of those I foolishly loved and lost.
In the name of the Father and the Son
who lent me several just for fun..
Come Jive With Me
Come jive with me and be my love
And, with a glitter ball above,
Let’s join the dance-floor’s push and shove
And re-create our Sixties love.
The jive of our frenetic youth
Is too demanding now. In truth
The jive may not be quite the dance
For pensioners who’d feed romance.
Our knees and backs won’t stand the strain
And violent movement causes pain.
Too soon we find a loss of puff’ll
Slow us to a soft-shoe shuffle.
But, what the Hell! We’re still alive
And love’s still blind at sixty-five.
So, till we’re ninety or above,
Come jive with me -- but slowly, love.
Deckchairs at Eastbourne
When he was tall and she was slim
he fell for her, she fell for him.
And now they’re huddled side by side
he is stooped and she is wide;
while dreams that long ago expired
have left them calmer, wiser, tired;
content to watch the sea come in,
go out and then come in again.
But still for her and still for him
he is tall and she is slim.
Remember Me
Remember me if I should go awry
and can't remember who or how or why
either of us is or used to be
when I was me and you and I were we.
Remember me if I should go awry.
But if, like me, you can't – at least please try.