The Springtime of My Discontent
     (after 'The Bloody Orkneys' by Capt. Hamish Blair)

Bloody Springtime brings more rain,
Bloody lawn's all moss again.
Bloody wife wants garden dug,
Bloody job for bloody mug.
Bloody grass begins to grow,
Bloody mower will not mow.
Bloody next door's cat uproots
Bloody swathes of bloody shoots.

Bloody catalogues all lied,
Bloody plants all bloody died.
Bloody frame of greenhouse rotted,
Bloody knot-weed bloody knotted.
Bloody frogs choke pond with spawn,
Bloody moles make Alps of lawn.
Chez Nous is a bloody mess.
Next door's like the RHS!

(from The Wrong Ancient Mariner,
publ. Grosvenor House Press, 2023)