The Ouzelum Bird
(Supposedly an Australian species which flew tail-first.)
Whenever a lovelorn male Ouzelum bird
Made a date with an Ouzelum floosielum
This male's predilection for flying tail first
Would hamper his chance to enthuselum.
So, no matter the wiles and the various guiles
That were used to entice and to schmoozelum
They’d never take chances with rough male advances
But quickly and firmly defuselum.
Males tried every trick on each Ouzelum chick;
Of half measures one couldn’t accuselum.
But it made things much worse that they flew in reverse
So coitus was prone to bamboozelum.
Thus the Ouzelum species just faded away
Since love had so failed to amuselum,
No prospect at all to entrance and enthral --
So no Ouzelum seed to infuselum.
( published in The Spectator, June 2025.)