Rudyard Rethinks
A word of good advice while I still can --
If you have based your life on solid virtue
And been the best of Ideal English Man;
If sticks and stones and words have never hurt you
You may by now be just one half a man.
Though 'If'' has long inspired your moral core
And helped defeat the blandishments of sin
I'll say now, as I meant to warn before,
You might have had some problems fitting in
With friends who think you're just a priggish bore.
So try to loosen up a bit, my son.
Of all the Deadly Sins there must be one
Which, tried discreetly just for one-off fun,
Might win you street-cred as a proper man --
And, what is more, an English man, my son.
(first published in The Spectator)