Emergency Panic Buying
The electorate's response to every rumoured national crisis
Be it economic, medical or bomb attack by Isis
Is to panic-buy in volume regardless of the price,
Or common sense, their actual need or experts' sound advice.
My wife when crisis threatened would stagger back from town
With baskets full of Andrex, Rescue Remedy and Collis Browne,
And next day, on the principle of better safe than sorry,
A duplicate delivery would turn up on a lorry
With extra rolls of Andrex and some Bronco “just in case . . .,”
Enough to fill our tiny flat's every vacant space.
But now I'm on my own I can panic-buy my dreams
Of Jammy Dodgers, Waggon Wheels, Hobnobs and Custard Creams.
So before I'm fleeced of further cash in ruinous amounts
By Britain's Prime Embalmer and his Rachel From Accounts,
And since their money-grabbing shows no signs of an abatement
I'm panic-buying now before their next Financial Statement.