Daisy, Daisy
These tragic lines of cycling verse
Relate the woes of Uncle Perce
Who rode his Raleigh round the land
As part of a small Lycra'd band
Of members from the cycling club
Of which he was the social hub.
Perce’s greatest cycling mate,
Still young at heart at fifty-eight,
Was not-long widowed Daisy Dove,
The object of his long-time love,
Whose pumping thighs and dimpled smiles
Inspired him through the long, hard miles.
One Sunday on a trip through Camden
Perce espied a racing tandem.
A tattooed biker owned the shop.
He said to Perce, “Right, on you hop.
And, while you try it, if she'd like
I'll help your girlfriend oil her bike.”
Perce’s heart beat fast and thundered
Though as he pedalled on he wondered,
“What joy if Daisy could be here
Cooing sweetly in my ear!”
And at that point his dreams took flight
Upon this transport of delight. . . .
“Sweet Daisy is my sun and stars,
My cycle clips and handlebars.
For months I've hoped she'd share my dreams
To jointly strain our Lycra'd seams
And ride with me down Lovers Lane
To blissful wedlock once again.”
But when he brought the tandem back
He nearly had a heart attack.
Not only was she now tattooed
But some of it was rather rude --
The world has more to see, I find,
Than Day-Glo'd cyclists from behind.
“We're done!” she said, Then, Heaven knows,
She pierced her eyebrows, lips and nose
And, with a gesture most unlike her,
Took off with the tattooed biker,
Leaving Perce to mope round Camden
With one seat empty on his tandem.
( first published in the Daily Mail, 2025)